Printer-friendly versionSend to friendPDF version

A Kingdom United?

A deeper look into the events and actions within the U.K. Aiming to analyse and discuss the effects events have on our daily lives, the media portrayal of such events and the political wrangling they create.

Last Week's the week that was.

— Filed under: Breaking News, Politics & Government, People & Culture, Opinion
  Deputy leader of the Labour...

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

1. Harriet Harman receives the MrShaw  award for quickest turnaround this week.  Earlier in the week Mrs Harman decided to open her mouth and accuse Danny Alexander of being a ginger rodent.  Great stuff, had me giggling for a wee while.  Harriet went onto to say ""There's something deeply unnatural that's happened in Scotland.".  I'm popping up to Hadrian's Wall this weekend to see if the Ghost of Robert Burns, William Wallace and Gregor Fisher (the man, not the ghost) are leading a group of disgruntled Scots to Parliament to the tune of "Scots Wha Hae".  In the interim, the Ginger rodent in person has stated via his Twitter account something he feels is funny and cute, but has come across as a bit of a twit.

2. Keen to get on the "foot in mouth" bandwagon, Stephen Fry, TV lovey, genius in waiting and  possibly the U.K's favourite homosexual has decided to announce that all women find sex disgusting. It turns out that he is probably right after all the man is the closest England has produced to Oscar Wilde (I would prefer Spike Milligan any day of the week) but this will not stop an outpouring of rage from feminists not happy that a man (and perhaps not even a real man in their view, if their views condoned real men) would dare to tell them something about themselves.  You may also notice quite a few men reacting to this news by staring at their crotches wondering why the like breasts, and the link between that and their intelligence.

British intelligence

Image via Wikipedia

3. Had it not been for the previous two stories, surely the announcement that the Chief of MI6 spoken in the press for the first time ever would be top of this diatribe.  Sir John Sawer decided to address the press with news that "torture is illegal and abhorrent".  Good one Sir Sawer, I think if you make sure this is covered in some tabloids, it will actually be news.  This comes on the back of investigations of The Uk torturing people, and teaching other people the methods.  Oops.  Perhaps Sir Sawer should have kept his mouth shut.  Before we all assumed that we part of a nation that did terrible things to humans in the name of "keeping Britain Great".  Now the chances are anybody reading this thinks we lie about our barbarianism.  US, watch out the Brits are playing your game.

4. You would think that David Cameron had recently become the synonym for "News".  It seems that David is applying the Blair theory of successful PM by ensuring he is in the news at every opportunity.  Unfortunately for Cameron, most of the time it is because experts are saying he is "wrong, you are wrong, you are sooooo wrong".  On at least 10 occasions in the last week David has been in the news saying his cuts will work.  It appears to be a mantra to me, The PM using it to convince himself, before he manages to convince anyone else.  The best bit of news in my mind was the revelation that The American Government don't really trust him, and decided not to tell him about the bomb in England, and in fact told the PM about 11 hours afterwards. Brilliant, Eric.

MrRobbie's picture

Stephen Fry was apparently

Stephen Fry was apparently misquoted and thusly because the news is such utter pig waste, the country beleives it to be true. I'm not defending the Fry because it must have been some bloody massive mis-quote, what did he really say in that case? Maybe he said 'Sex with women is disgusting,' or 'all women are disgusting,' or he likes hamsters. I can't be sure without going on a research hunt on the internet [you know where that leads] to Attitude magazine where the quote was lifted and reassembled. But ufortunately that would mean me seeing pictures of homosexuals, which are fine when they have clothes on, but i imagine they'll be somekind of homosexual turn on pictures done 'tastefully' and this disturbs me too much and i have a sausage sandwich to eat for dinner today. God the horror. Where were we? oh yes, everyone is stupid, especially feminists... uh oh, i've gone and said it now...  well... come and get me you furry lipped fanny fondlers, but you'll have to see if its okay with your husband/life partner first.

Hewy's picture

1. I'd love to here what she

1. I'd love to here what she calls Ed Milliband behind his back. He also resembles a rodent, but one of those little cute one from the 80's Wind in The Willows animation that got lost in the snow and ended up with Badger. Who resembles Gordon Brown. To be honest the whole lot of coalition government are a bunch of weasel faced skunk pussies and should be lead to their death's pied piper stylee by Cameron tooting on his shiny pork kazoo!

2. Steven Fry has a point. He actually said men feel they disgust women when it comes to sex. Right on I say. Where's the fun unless it's disgusting?

3. We taught the yanks all they know about such things. We didn't run the world at one point by tickling kittens under the chin! It's politically incorrect to call it "Torture" now. It's now called "Rendition". As in, "What a lovely rendition that was! Encore!". Just as "Friendly fire" is now called "Blue on Blue". And quite frankly if you ask me, equating the accidental killing of friendly forces with the winner of 1978's Sticky Finger Awards Top Porn Film Title is abhorrent in the least.

4. Just show you what a load of bollocks the press spout. The whole of the nation watched live footage and listened to up to the minute reports on the East Midlands bomb threat up until it was declared safe and there was no actual bomb or explosives (a statement they later changed). Even Cameron can't be that fucking clueless and out of touch with his own media. Check did bitches http://lanehewitt.wordpress.com/

Winston Smith's picture

Not as bad as some

Hewy wrote:
3. We taught the yanks all they know about such things. We didn't run the world at one point by tickling kittens under the chin! It's politically incorrect to call it "Torture" now. It's now called "Rendition". As in, "What a lovely rendition that was! Encore!". Just as "Friendly fire" is now called "Blue on Blue". And quite frankly if you ask me, equating the accidental killing of friendly forces with the winner of 1978's Sticky Finger Awards Top Porn Film Title is abhorrent in the least.

I won't disagree with most of your points there. But I have noticed in my aimless wanderings through history texts that the British don't seem to have been quite so brutal and sadistic as some European colonial powers. I read bits of Nathaniel's Nutmeg (forget the author) about the conquest and changing hands of the East Indies, and while the Brits did some awful stuff, it was nothing compared to what the Dutch did. Stomach-turning and "Saw"-like. And in many cases they did it to the British!

And I've always been particularly impressed that the British were the first to ban slavery, and patrolled the coasts of Africa to intercept slave ships. Even if their methods or motivations weren't 100% perfect, it counts for something.

MrShaw's picture

Gazza may go to jail, and Fry a book.

  • Paul Gascoinge must have got lost on the way to Court the other day and ended up in a Rehab Centre.  it does not bode well for Gazza and the Judge could rule an immediate sentencing or arrest.
MrShaw's picture

Inquest into torture.

142 claims by Iraqi civilians were abused by English Forces are being heard by the High Court.  So far revealed is the fact that Sir John Sawar was talking rubbish, due to systematic torture at Abu Ghraib.  Perhaps he has a future in Politics, judging by the bunch of useless articles we currently are so badly lead by.